


I'll be waiting

by capn_cecil_ang



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Anger, Drabble, Hurt, M/M, Post CoE, very much hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1978275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cecil_ang/pseuds/capn_cecil_ang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little headcanon of mine about Ianto after CoE. It will probably make you extremly sad so read on your own risk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll be waiting

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just needed to.

              Gwen stormed into the little hotel room right after Jack. Jack was already sprawled on the sofa, his eyelids closed and his head rested on the top of it. Gwen thought briefly about time when Jack would make some cheesy joke about one of his previous boyfriends, who stormed into the room like this every time – but not now. Now he was silent. Too silent. He was just sitting there, his chest slowly rising and falling, looking almost like he was sleeping. But Gwen knew he was very much aware of her presence. And she wasn’t going to let it go – not this time. As soon as she caught her breath – pacing after Jack in the third month of pregnancy wasn’t very easy after all – she started to shout, not so subtly.

“What the hell have you been thinking, Jack?”

“I don’t know...” Jack started.

“Oh you know very well what I am talking about, Mr. Harkness!” she interrupted him.

Jack sighed and opened his eyes, leaning a bit forward on the sofa, so he could look at Gwen properly.

“I did what I had to do.” he simply said.

“That’s bullshit, Jack. And you know it.”

“I was protecting you... and your child.” he said, gesturing to Gwen’s belly as he stood up prepared to leave. He cursed this little room and the fact Hub was under construction right now. He wished he had his own office now, where he could barricade in and don’t speak to anyone. Especially not Gwen.

“Don’t you dare to walk out on me, Jack Harkness!” The anger in Gwen’s voice seemed to stop Jack from leaving, but he still kept his back turned. He certainly wasn’t in any mood to share his emotions. “You have jumped in front of that fucking bullet – on purpose.” she said, a bit more calmly.

“I’ve told you.” Jack turned his face slightly to her, “I was trying to....”

“Bullshit, Jack!” Gwen snapped and stomped her way in front of Jack to look at his eyes. “You think I don’t know when you are lying? You think I don’t see how you are acting after...”

“No... don’t,” Jack squashed her.

“Jack... I know it’s hard. I miss him too,” Gwen’s breath hitched slightly as she was trying to suppress the tears – hormones where really bitchy in this state of pregnancy. “I know it must be a hell for you, Jack... But you can’t do this. You can’t throw away your life like this. Think about what he would say.”

“You don’t understand, Gwen,” Jack averted his gaze, his voice suddenly soft and quiet. “It’s not like that.”

“Not like what, Jack? Talk to me.” Gwen demanded. “Because all I see is you trying to get kill on purpose. Like .... like you hoped one day you’ll won’t wake up to life again. And it hurts me that much more. Because,” Gwen was now choking on her tears which were streaming down her face. “Because it makes me feel like you don’t think you have anything to life for in here. But you have. Torchwood is still here, people who need our help, our protection. I am still here, Jack.”

“Gwen I,” Jack tried to stutter some meaningful words, but the pain overwhelmed him. He just silently took Gwen by her hand and led her to the sofa, both of them sitting down. They sat like that for a while, quietly, Gwen’s hand in Jack’s, as her tears were fading away.

“It’s not what you think, Gwen,” Jack said finally, almost too quietly to hear. “It’s,” he stopped, not sure of how to say it, not sure if he wanted to say it. He was too afraid it was all just an illusion, just a dream. He was afraid if he said it out loud, he would realise it wasn’t true, it was just in his head – that it was just what he wanted.

“I hear him, Gwen,” he finally said on one breath, his own eyes starting to fill with tears. “What?” Gwen breathed out, confused. “I hear him. Every time I die. He is there. Ianto is there. In the darkness. Waiting for me. He is there and he is calling for me, he is looking for me. Every time I die I can hear him, getting closer and closer. He’s looking for me. He’s trying to get to me, but something is keeping him away. Something, something is keeping us apart.” his voice hitched as the tears fell from his eyes. He raised his free hand and quickly wiped them away. Gwen cupped their joined hands and said softly.

“Jack, I’m... I’m sorry, but... it’s... it’s just an illusion.”

“No, it’s not.” Jack snapped at her, more harshly then he intended to. “I'm sorry," he said afterwards. "I just know. I know it’s him. I know _him_. It is him, Gwen. He is waiting for me. He is waiting, though he knows we can’t be together, not anymore. Only for that brief moment.”

And that was what was really breaking Captain Jack Harkness heart. Not the idea he was waking up to life alone every time he died, not the idea Ianto was dead. What was breaking him apart was the thought they couldn’t ever be together again for more than just few moments, for less than minute maybe.

And yet still, Captain Jack Harkness was still looking forward to darkness, to emptiness, to void he was about to enter when he was dying. Since that moment when he was dying, he still had this little smile on his face. Because he knew, that he would see him, only if just for a moment.


End file.
